I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
