dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
