Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize