not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
