Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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