One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
