Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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