i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
