im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
