i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
