Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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