Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
