THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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