Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
