I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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