no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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