Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
