Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
