I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
