I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
