dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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