I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
