Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The Olympian is in my bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
