If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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