Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize