just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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