Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
