I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
