Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
