I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
