I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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