Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
