bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
