I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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