I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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