First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
