so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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