Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
