So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
