How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
