dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
