Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
