Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
