I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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