Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
