is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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