I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
