____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That accounts for only three of the penises
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
