is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
