Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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