I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
