My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
