i wish there were pregnant emoticons
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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