you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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