the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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