my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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