Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
