Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
