My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
