how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
