i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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