You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize