I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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