I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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