I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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