Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
