I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize